Pastry crusts, whipped cream, and pumpkin pies, oh my! Nothing says autumn like the highly anticipated return of the pumpkin pie season—that brief, cinnamon-dusted window where every bakery and grocery store boasts its own version of the fall classic.
This season, the “Tribune” decided to put our taste buds to the test and sample pies from a number of local grocery stores. We scored each pie according to its crust, spice level, pumpkin flavor, texture, and aesthetic to yield an average score out of 10.
With forks in hand and expectations high, here is how the pies stacked up from least favorite to our fall pie champion:
Costco: The Deceptive Let Down
“While the flavors were high, the enjoyment was very low,” Section Editor Keaten Calic said.
Calic’s sentiment was echoed by all of the connoisseurs on our staff who agreed this pie was doing too much. Although scoring the highest in the aesthetic category, its glossy top and perfectly quaffed crust concealed an underlying evil of an overwhelmingly pungent pumpkin flavor. The texture and taste didn’t help with its overexuberant bounciness and a crust with the flavoring of cardboard.
Staff Writer Brooklyn Gould, who had never eaten pumpkin pie before this sampling, summed it up best in her notes:
“Horrible–no spice, crust okay, made me choke. Straight baby food. Tasted like death. My life flashed before my eyes. My outlook on pie ruined.”
Harris Teeter: The Pie That Shook Us
“The spice is lingering in my throat,” Media Manager Olivia Finamore said. “I feel threatened.”
This pie scored slightly higher than the Costco nightmare, but you would never know it given the visceral reactions from our critics. This pie was detested for its rubbery, gelatinous consistency receiving negative numbers in the texture category. The flavor did nothing to rescue this pie from the depths of pastries from hell.
“It’s like the jello house from cloudy with a chance of meatballs,” Media Manager Willa Transeau said. “Absolutely disgusting.”
Whole Foods: The Middle of The Road
“It isn’t good, but not bad either,” Staff Writer Rahil Harrif said.
If you’re looking for a pie that’s perfectly average, Whole Foods has got it, scoring fives across the board. It is the Switzerland of desserts—neutral, dependable, and inoffensive, garnering half-hearted reactions from critics. The flavor? Bland. The crust? Meh. The pumpkin-ness? It was present. It is the kind of pie that elicits polite nods at a Thanksgiving table. It stands proudly at the middle slot as mediocrity perfected.
Mom’s Apple Pie: Mom Didn’t Make This One
“Different, but not in the best way,” Newspaper teacher Tanner McClelland said.
As the only pie made from a specialized bakery, tasters had high expectations for this pie. Its scoring was scattered across the board; some critics awarded this anticipated pie the elusive score of 10 while others assigned mere twos in the categories of spice and texture for its more unusual diversion from traditional pumpkin pie. Still, some critics were die hard fans:
“This pie had the perfect balance of pumpkin, spice, and crust flavor,” Assistant Editor Emma O’Hair said. “They all worked together like that one scene in Ratatouille where Remi floats in the air from eating the strawberry and a piece of cheese.”
The Giant Victory
“This brought back my faith in pie after the [Costco] one,” Gould said.
The resounding winner of this pie-off was the Giant pie with the perfect spice to pumpkin flavor ratio. The custard filling was sweet and smooth with a balanced ginger, nutmeg, and cinnamon taste without any element dominating. The crust was both flaky and crisp. If you need the perfect store bought pie for your fall desserts this year, do not hesitate and buy the Giant pumpkin pie for winning the highest praise.
“This was my favorite, this pie is what I think of when I hear pie,” Allison Kurt said.
